You get a car! You get a car! YOU get a car! But not the girl in the red shirt in the third row; she doesn’t get a car….she’s a bitch.
If I could give all my readers a car, I would, but I aint Oprah. In fact, I’m the total freaking opposite of Oprah: white, male, tall, beer skinny, slacker chic, poor-ish. I would hug Oprah if I could, totally sneak a smooch. Why not? In my daydreams she shows some nipple, slips me a grand.
Speaking of weird – milestones are being exploded and left for dead here on Roam About. In the next day or so, I’ll reach the 25,000 views/500 followers threshold, an extremely humbling occasion, which brings me to this whole Give-Away business…
1. I’m giving my 500th follower a sweet ass coffee mug (and possibly some other things – recyclables, bills, etc.) from the Etsy shop FlyCupsAndFineAssArt (http://www.etsy.com/shop/flycupsandfineassart), curated by my favorite Columbus artist, and friend Matthew Richard Barnes. The guy’s a genius – is on the brink of taking off – and there’s nothing better than putting your lips on a Barnes piece…every morning.
2. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I’m not on peyote. To answer your other question of ‘why the hell would you give some random person in Papua New Guinea a gift just for following when I’ve followed this mediocre website for months?’
Hold on dear readers…
2b. At first, I was going to give away the jeans that I just outgrew (too much beer), my cat, a copy of CCR’s Cosmo’s Factory on vinyl, and an old man TBA (To Be Abducted).
But instead, I’m going to give someone my only copy of ‘Ghost Town’ containing my first published short story, PLUS a sweet ass coffee mug, an old, hilarious, personalized 8×10 headshot from my acting days, some fake mustaches, a mix-tape, and more. It’s the greatest fucking care-package in history; similar to winning both Showcases on ‘The Price is Right’.
I can’t tell you how the winner will be decided…yet, but I suggest ‘liking’ this post, or better yet (hint), leaving a comment if you want in. If not, totally cool, I understand keeping anonymity in the blog-o-verse, and this Give-Away experiment may fail harder than the Greenland Beach Volleyball team.
‘HOW I SAVED THE PANICKED IDIOT IN 29D’
My friend Mark (of ConChocolate Productions) and I did a video collaboration! It’s a quick one, showing the warped mental-state induced by a mutual disdain for heavy flight turbulence. I might be able to use it as a marketing tool for Roam About…’This Blog Saves Lives’….hmmm. More collaborations to come. Looking forward to it, Mark.
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
I wrote a comment and it disappeared. Here’s what I said if I can remember it all:
I want that coffee mug and the Ghost Town book. I loved the video — very funny and I loved the South Park voices. This was awesome because that’s what you do — awesome.
Now I’m going to hit “submit comment” just like I did before and I hope it doesn’t disappear.
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Well, the way things are going with the comments you have a pretty good chance.
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I’m here, both liking and commenting. Just please, whatever you do, do not send me the cat. I’m up to my eyeballs in those things.
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But, he drinks beer and plays fetch….
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Mike, I guess I’d prefer a coffee mug over a random old guy. Maybe.
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Old guys can tell you stories before bed. I should rephrase
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Super proud of you, man! The addition of video is going to add another flavor profile to this wonderful lil’ corner of the blogosphere. Cheers! =o)
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Hope so! Let me know if you want to collaborate on something, like, a trip to Iceland.
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WordPress suggested I read your blog today and what a fine suggestion indeed! I literally laughed out loud – seriously – I didn’t do my usual ‘huh, that was cute-better ‘lol’ it up even though all the content elicited was a minimal head tilt’ – but real honest laughter. The kind that makes my cat look at me strangely…
Cheers.
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Well that was nice of them to suggest my blog, and very nice of you to say so.
I know this strange look well, as my cat has tried many a times to understand me. He’s also tried to kill me several times; it’s a love/hate relationship.
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I once had a dream about Oprah and winning both showcase showdowns…and thats all I have to say about that.
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Did it involve Plinko?
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our cat looks worried in that photo.
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It’s just a little gas…
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As one of the “500”, I am hereby entering your contest having completed the necessary steps of liking and commenting. As an added qualification, I live just north of Fort Smith – home of ABF Trucking – so the coffee mug as pictured would be right at home.
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Yay! Thanks for entering Mona! I did not know ABF was in Fort Smith; I’ve actually been through there a handful of times (ex girlfriend).
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Hahahaha, your website is anything but mediocre! I find it refreshingly hilarious and I think you should write a book or something, you definitely are entertaining and never fail to put a smile on my face. Your craziness is just awesome. I hope this whole ass kissing will get me the sweet ass tea (not coffee) mug!
😉
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Aww thanks, Erika. Funny you should mention a book – the rumblings have started – will keep you updated. Ass kissing definitely just got you an extra vote. 🙂
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Yayy! do keep me updated! Congrats!
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I ‘m sitting here at 2 am giggling like a maniac hoping no one in my family wakes up…As always, a great read.
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Thanks, Change! Glad Oprah’s nipple can bring you to a giggle.
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As awesome as your current prize is…not gonna lie I wish you were giving away the old man. I mean come on you were gonna abduct an old man and send it to a reader. That’s true love for your fans my friend willingness to commit a major crime. But alas I guess I’d be just as happy with a coffee mug. Cause honestly, can you ever have too many awesome coffee mugs? Great blog seriously enjoyed it, like always.
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I’ve had my eye on this one old guy for awhile now – went to nab him a couple of times, but he’s deceptively quick, and agile, like a bunny.
Definitely not lacking effort, just didn’t realize how damn hard it is to abduct people.
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Awe that’s too bad. Maybe you should try another guy. Someone older maybe not quite as quick. Or pick a guy with a limp that should make it easier. Ya know you could watch some crime shows they seem to be kidnapping people all the time maybe you could get some pointers.
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Mike,
Your posts about nothing in particular, and yet about being about everything, makes me want to mimic you.
I’m going to muster enough courage and start posting tid bits of things I find amusing.
Thanks for the inspiration.
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Wow, thank you. That’s one of the nicest things a fellow blogger can write about another. I watched a lot of ‘Seinfeld’ in my early days….
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‘she shows some nipple, slips me a grand’ – holy crap, this blog is officially a South Park episode. There is nothing funny about what I do for a living so when I’m making ‘having fun reading something’ noises everyone knows there is zero work going on in here. Which would be sad if it weren’t my last day. True Funny is hard to come by. Congratulations. I’ll take the old dude if you abduct the one in the picture….otherwise no deal.
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Did I make you giggle at work? Sweeeet! It didn’t get you fired, did it?
See, the old guy in the picture was crazy fast. Bastard out ran me – and by outran I mean out’wheeled’.
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Favorite line ever: “there’s nothing better than putting your lips on a Barnes piece…every morning.” Yes.
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They say it’s delicious…
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And how did I</I f-ing miss THIS ONE?? Man, I love give-aways! And I never win anything, so you would've cleaned up with some clever comment or another (maybe written by my teenager), for a sum total 0 investment! (I love that mug, BTW. When I have a moment I'm going to check out that shop.) I wish I could blame my lack of attending the give-away on the fact that I'm sick but really, that didn't happen until today, so… I'd hate to start of what could be a long and flourishing comment exchange on a lie. I should be a relationship counselor. I'm that good. And I'm daffy–need a nap. My throat hurts. Have an awesome weekend, Mr. Men's Club 500, and Congratulations!! Your blog always brings a smile to my face. :)) see, there it is. I'm seeing double. Need meds.
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There will be more, oh yes there will be more…
Did that cow shit hair dye make you sick? 🙂
Hope you feel better. Heard whiskey helps! Whiskey and more whiskey.
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