I check my ‘spam’ every once in a while, in case a legitimate comment has gone in the quarantine tank. Now and then I’ll find a reader or two in there, drowning in the Star Wars trash heap (from ‘New Hope’) – Luke screaming like a baby girl, “3PO! Where could he beeeeee!?” and Chewy going all apeshit in the background “Meowmaamaameow”.
Chewbacca does meow; it’s just a lower registered, wavering but staccatoed pitch – more mouthwash gurgling tiger than cat, but still a meow.
I’ve been enjoying some of the spam comments received from the riff-raff WordPress fauxfiles – dissimilar to the Nigerian national export ‘Phishing emails’ – you know, the emails that read; ‘Dear Sir, you’re the benefactor of Lord Dimplechin’s estate. He dead now. Give us your bank account/social security number, so we may purge you of the responsibility of paying for your child’s future education’.
No, the WordPress spammer is much smarter. He (ladies would never do something so uncouth, would they?) links keywords within your post to their comments, and spams the crap out of you with obscure conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with anything you’ve written.
A simple hover over the hyperlink of the spammer fauxfile…if it looks sketchy – and pardon my presupposition of you finding links with ‘stiletto fetishes’, ‘sex dates’, and ‘SEO fetish sites’ sketchy – it is.
I know what you’re thinking, ‘Mike, what’s a sex date?’ Well friend, it’s a particular date upon the calendar, chosen at random, where large groups of people have sex; a remote orgy if you will. Like today, it’s a sex date! Mark your calendar!
Here are some of my favorite WordPress/Akismet quarantined spam emails – copied directly from my dashboard – with pictures of what I think each person really looks like, and of course, a response:
I really REALLY wanna c it again but i just wish they woulf oepn the show in San Francisco!! New York lets it run 4ever but u cant find a show anywhere in California! Cnt wait 2 b able 2 do it with my high school or college or whenever it comes available 2 rent on MTI or sumtin I dnt care wat it takes! I will b in Wicked!! Mwahahaha!!!
Oh Rinku, you’ll never be in ‘Wicked’. You wouldn’t be able to read the script! Mwahahahaha! JK! Let’s Google ‘Wicked’ to “c” if it has played in San Fran…oh, it has, multiple times. They probably had an open call for extras…just saying.
Praying for your success
I learned that I’m very happy linvig in this century and not then because I have to visit the dentist a lot and I would be very disgusting with street dentistry. The thought of my teeth being resold-just yuck!! Thank you for hosting such a fun giveaway!
I shall call you Nathaniel, as I’m sure this was the intended name. Nathaniel, I agree, I would be disgusting [sic] with street dentistry as well, but being that you omitted the context to your point, I’m sorry to say you did NOT win the Give-away.
The Street Toof Fairy
Sewriously, doesn’t the perfect hair color just do wenrods for how you feel?!?! That color looks awesome on you glad you found someone with the right touch.And the photo of you and your little guy is to die for! Love the orange and blue. And major props to you for being willing to lay down on the ground in a dress
It took me a moment to figure out what ‘wenrods’ meant. After figuring out wenrods means ‘wonders’, I then pondered the 2 exclamation marks and double question mark at the end of the first sentence. Is Elmer being rhetorical?
Also, Elmer, what the fuck are you talking about?!?!
Clueless in Columbus
Tesla Energy Machine:
The drowning tesla strength lights will clutch at a straw
Do you really love lamp?
I just found your blog, so I’ve only just seen your last post “Heaven’s Special Child.” BB went to, right in front of the door so all visitors could see it. He was at that socohl for 9 years and I never managed to read the whole thing through because I’d start snuffling! (And no, I didn’t manage to get through it this time either! I’ll be back later to read how it ends!!!)
I believe you have dialed the wrong blog. ‘Heaven’s Special Child’ is actually a piece written by famous poet Axl Rose. Also, what is ‘snuffling’?
Thanks for reading!
Do mackerel start running along the beaches this season, because I’ve had mackerel shaped fish take the greenback/pilchards then shake of the hook jumping high in the air.