I’m no Martha Stewart.
For one, I have testicles.
For second, I’m poor.
But, I have to let you in on a little secret; I like to cook.
Look, I’m no Bourdain, and I won’t win a Michelin star anytime soon, I just enjoy the therapeutic process of cooking – it’s like putting a puzzle together for your mouth. And I especially enjoy hacking things into little pieces with a blade with the only repercussions being deliciousness.
(fun fact: Michelin stars (Michelin, the tire company) started in 1970 as a rating system for restaurants during road trips across France)
Anyway, I wanted to try something different today, share one of my breakfast staples with everyone. If it works out, I’ll keep posting these nuggets, maybe make some cooking vids. If not, well, some of you will get some sweet-ass recipes.
Garbage Eggs (serves three)
You got a bunch of stuff in the fridge, or your making food for everyone at a hostel – you’re hung over, you’re all hung over – need food right meow. Time to make some garbage eggs.
The essentials:
Drizzle some olive oil on a pan, low heat. Chop up half a large yellow onion. Crush and chop up two large garlic cloves. Throw in pan, turn up heat to medium, stir every once in a while. 5 minutes-ish
While that’s cookin’, dice up some tomatoes, and cut up one head of broccoli. If you don’t like broccoli, like a lot of people, even though it’s a super food, use a large green bell pepper.
Once the garlic and onions mixture is ready, crack four eggs into the pan – stir it up, Bob Marley style. Throw in a slice or two of Colby jack cheese, add the tomatoes, the broccoli (or peppers) turn up to medium – medium high heat (depending on your stovetop).
Now, here’s where the winging it/build your own adventure comes in – add, according to your taste:
A healthy dose of Salsa (hotness based on your taste)
Dash of Sea Salt
Dash of Cracked black pepper
Red Chili powder (degree of heat depending on hangover)
And, if you’re feeling horribly carnivorous, add in crumbled Chorizo.
Your mixture should now look something like this
Continue cooking until the mush is fluffy. Make some bacon as an accoutrement, pretend it’s dinosaur meat.
mmm triceratops
Once your ready, head to the DVD closet, select something to watch – this week, a little Jet-Li action.
Some toast with freaking awesome Hot Pepper Strawberry Jam from Sweet Thing Gourmet , some OJ, Coffee/Tea and that’s it! Easy, done in less than a half hour, hang-over quelled. Enjoy! – Mike
Breakfast and shots designed by Roam About Marti.
Ingredients:
1/2 large Onion
2 gloves Garlic
1 large tomato
1 head of broccoli
4 eggs
salsa
1 – 2 slice(s) of cheese
sea salt
cracked black pepper
Red Chili Powder
*optional – Chorizo
or
Ripped up turkey slices
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
Do not be alarmed when I am over your apartment Sunday morning pounding on the door ready to try Garbage Eggs and Tricerabacon! Yes I am aware we are having Thanksgiving Sunday…but breakfast still needs to happen!
Great post…very funny! Good shots Roam About Marti!
You realize that if you guys get embroidered hand towels they are interchangeable….Roam About Mike / Roam About Marti….and you get a sweet anagram RAM! So I expect there to also be an embroidered Bighorn Ram on the towels as well! – Just sayin….
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RAM towels! YES! I love that idea!
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I won’t be! Don’t be alarmed when you realize I’m nude under the apron.
Thanks, Nate – the RAM towels are one of your better ideas yet. I would wash my face with a bighorn ram.
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One of my favorite posts yet.
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Thanks, mp – I think Jet Li’s son could take him down.
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Please tell me that frilly apron skirt thingy isn’t going it alone in the kitchen.
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I had to protect the goods from hot oil somehow.
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splattering dinosaur fat can be detrimental to one’s happiness for sure
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mmm dino foie gras.
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This one was funny Mike! Love the recipe and it is great for hangovers! I have something similar called egg slop that I throw in a tortilla, which is perfect for both hangovers and the late night munchies after having gone out. Keep writing, I love your blog!
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Thanks so much! I never thought about throwing it in a tortilla…hmm…might have to try that. That’s so nice of you – thanks for reading
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I love that you were making this at 7:47 in (I am assuming) the AM. This somehow adds to the credibility of the deliciousness.
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I may or may not have made the eggs this weekend, but if it garners credibility I totally made it this morning… 🙂
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Heidi & I feel privelaged as we had Mike cook this egg dish or a variation of it for us once. The morning after we filled the air mattress at the vomit soaked BP Station.
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Hahaha!
You: “There’s no inflator”
Me: “Let’s go to BP and use the air hose”
$3.50 later….
Just to clarify, the puke was from something else, not my garbage eggs.
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You have magnificent hair.
Here’s another, simpler version of your eggs (which sound delicious, minus the onions), Southwestern style: This is called migas, which I’m pretty sure translates to fatty, carb-rich breakfast to eat while watching the Olympics, so I prepare it every two years or so. Eggs. Stale tortilla chips (organic)–you know, the ones at the bottom of the bag that you’re too lazy to dive for because you don’t want to get your knuckles all crumbly. Cheddar cheese. :: Break eggs into a bowl & beat with fork; crush tortilla chips with a vigorous banging while still in bag. Stomping also works; add chips to eggs; add shredded cheddar to eggs plus cumin, salt & pepper to desired taste. Swirl. Cook your new alloy to desired doneness. Spoon onto plate(s). Add a heaping cup-full of salsa or fresh-roasted green chile (if in New Mexico); eat with toast and a smile.
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Haha – thanks. I call it the ‘freshly arisen quaff’.
This is amazing, and I’m printing it for the next egg makin morning. Thanks for sharing.
This is kind of full circle/weird, but the garbage eggs were/are inspired by a breakfast I had at Tesuque Market in Santa Fe. Usually I load it with chilis, but I know not a lot of people like blazing hot…
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That IS funny — the Tesuque origins! Yeah, I like blazing hot depending on the chiles. Flame-roasted green chile is my favorite, as opposed to jalapenos, red, or the red flake chile as seen in a lot of Asian cooking.
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mmm me too! we’ll have to have a chile eating contest next time i’m out in NM.
Have you ever had ghost chile salsa? holy crap, it’s hot. Like, hop around speaking in tongues, hot.
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Nice legs…
I’ve made similar eggs, but will have to buy some chorizo. Since I have become addicted to writing, my husband dons the apron. (I guess he would starve otherwise….) 🙂
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Pasty-white, hairy runner legs…
Love throwing some chorizo in there. nums.
Your hubby should start writing a blog about cooking for a writer!
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If he only had the time, but the stories he could tell…scary…… 🙂
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What’s the most inspirational ingredient?
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cooking, man-style. I like!
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Next time, I’ll bust out the grill…in the winter…super machismo style
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Thank you for the good laugh and creative egg recipe!
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You’re welcome – thanks for reading, Katie!
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I’m pretty sure Martha has cahones 🙂
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I’m pretty sure you’re right. She probably has both parts – her naughty little secret.
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I like how you’ve clearly freeballed it in that apron. I think testicle freedom is your secret ingredient in this breakfast, isn’t it?
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Clearly. Yes, while it takes longer, I feel there’s a special taste when tea-bagging instead of whipping your eggs.
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I’m just gonna put this out there…I wanna eat breakfast at your house.
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Awesome. We’ll have a ball(s) .
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I like the art next to your stove.
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Thank you. Raccoons and old dutch women inspire the cooking.
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That looks DELISH! But truthfully, it was your photo in the apron that was the show stopper! LOL
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The apron makes the food taste better – I swear!
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