I’m at the Delta gate in the Orlando Airport about to completely lose my shit. Plane’s delayed due to mechanical issues, and there are no fewer than 4 babies struggling with what can only be described, aurally, by having Axl Rose (now) trying to harmonize with a shrieking goat.
I forgot my headphones at home, and there’s a six year old laying upside down behind me in his chair kicking the back of my seat as hard as his pudgy little legs allow, making me spill flaming hot tea on my crotch as I go to take a sip.
“Well, at least it didn’t spill on my compute…OH MY GOD MY PENIS BURNS!”
The kid is kicking to the beat of the video game music blaring from an iPhone. I know this, because I’m currently staring at his stupid upside-down mickey mouse hat wearing head, as I slowly send a warning-side glance over to the gum smacking mom, who looks at me unapologetically and has the gall to say, “He’s just tired.”
I’m six. I’m tired. Fuck you.
THAT’S tired?
This is hell. No pitchforks. No tonged-tails. No fiery furnace. Just a burnt dick tip, and assholes galore.
I don’t even blame the kid; it’s his mouth-breathing parents’ fault. The same brand of people who forgot to apply sunscreen to their precious babes’ face (which coincidentally has reached the hue of a ruddy sea-dwelling creature from the Disney movies the children adore) and try to sue the sun.
I’ll see you in court, mon.
The same parents who prattle through the Orlando/the airport with a look of wide-eyed bewilderment, devoid of the mental capacity to understand airport protocol or basic societal manners, or how anything works.
“What’s that called? A PEOPLE mover? Well I never! It’s like a felled escalator!!!”
Parents who let their children run around and scream like escaped zoo-animals, and do nothing about it, checking their facebook status over controlling their loin bi-product(s).
Thank you for crushing my very sensitive ankle with your stroller. Oh no, It’s my fault for getting in your way. Thank you for hissing at me. Those kids? No, your children aren’t cute. That one looks like an earthworm with bad hairplugs, and the younger one looks like an old man orgasm-ing.
Once on the plane, I watch in horror as a different mom, with a baby already strapped on her front like a reversed Yoda/Luke situ changes her son’s diaper on the seat. ON THE SEAT! No cloth, no blanket, just baby ass and poop particles ON 30C. And where does the diaper go? And this was the dad’s idea; the dad who looks exactly like the love child of Randy Quaid’s character in ‘Kingpin’ and Napoleon Dynamite.
Where does the poop cloth go? In the magazine pouch in front of mom, next seat over from me. Remember THAT next time you’re flipping through the Skymall magazine. They’re free, but not free of fecal.
Kids start wailing again, but thankfully the fear of take off silences them for a minute. The plane bucks left and for a split second I hope we crash to end some of the inbreeding going on in this world, but instead, the plane rights, and I vow to impregnate as many intelligent women as I possibly can (as soon as the hot tea burn fades) while looking out the window to a denuded landscape, and it all looks, well, fake.
And maybe that’s why a place that brought me such joy as a kid promotes such a negative reaction now. I feel like Disney/Orlando is a part of one massive, superficial, behind-the-curtain-controlled animatronic. It’s the theory of Uncanny Valley expanded out to a whole city.
A four mile morning run looks something like this:
Hotel.
Hotel.
Theme Park Hotel
Water Park Hotel.
Convention center.
Sea World
Shuttle Bus with Sea World ads.
Hotel.
Pizza Hut (Lunch Buffet!).
Waffle House.
Tschotske Gift House attached to Waffle House.
Kim Cattrall walking…nope, just an alligator.
Olive Garden.
Hotel.
Old people walking.
Old people slowly realizing there’s no beach in Orlando.
I did find culture at Epcot Center the one night I had off from work, but nostalgia fought overwhelming paranoia as I walked through the ‘Around the World’ tour with friends. If you’ve never been to Epcot, there’s a mile and a half loop that takes you through areas made-up to look like particular countries: Russia, Japan, France, Germany – I’ve actually been to these places, and the facade of it all, the uncanny valley of place (Disnephobia), has me on edge.
So I buy drinks in “Germany” at a Bier Stube to chill out. But dump my entire beer on the way to “Italy”, as I’m not paying attention and get slowly run over by a V-formation of Jazzy wheelchairs.
Have you ever seen a Jazzy? It’s basically a wheelchair for those who are too old, or obese to walk. Have you ever been run over by a Jazzy? It’s embarrassing, and it hurts. I juked like Michael J. Fox on a conveyor belt but I swear those bad boys were throttled up from tortoise to rabbit, took me down awkwardly slow, like a tranquilized grizzly. And somewhere, in a fake version of “Rome”, a part of my soul is crushed.
Ow
I get why people come to Orlando; it’s warm, the kids want to come here – it’s just not my jam. But neither are similarly categorized places like South Beach, or Las Vegas, or Cancun, places that shuttle you in, stuff you with home comforts and sugary boozed swill, and shuttle you out.
I hear how much money people spend on trips to these locales, and all I can do is associate the dollar amount with, say, a nice trip to Tulum, to San Fran, or NYC or anywhere in Europe. Places oozing with culture and their own unique offering. But hey, i’m sure in a few years, when I find a nice lady to procreate with, I’ll be back in Orlando, or Disney Land in CA, with lil’ Roam About Nuggets, writing about how I tried to commit suicide via mass Dippin’ Dots consumption.
Until then – Travel humbly; travel smart. After all, it IS a small world.
-Mike
*********
Tell me my dear readers, where are your least favorite places traveled?
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
Good lord – you sound just like me. And I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing – but at least I like it. You should check out my posts last month on Orlando and Florida in general. We also went to Epcot and had quite the experience.
Luckily we drove down from Virginia – so didn’t have the ‘pleasure’ of air travel. Pretty much now I will drive ANYWHERE just not to fly. And I have a pilot’s license. It’s just a horrible experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
You’re blog refreshed my memory as to why….
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Hey Battle,
We both sound like Clark Griswold. 🙂
Will definitely check out your post – sounds like we went through a similar hell.
You have a pilot’s license? Please start an airline…please?
Thanks for reading – heading to your place
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I have never been in a plane…and both my parents used to have pilot’s licenses. Their excuses went from “It’s nothing special honey” to “it’s far from special, honey”, to “it’s hell in a flying tuna can”. I’m sensing a theme.
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Do you have a fear of planes, or just never had the opportunity?
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I’ve never had the opportunity. I’m actually going on one tomorrow for the first time ever.
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Good luck! Hope it goes well.
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You’ve been saving up! This is one of my faves! Hilarious and yet you had me cringing throughout your journey. It makes me glad that I am not going anywhere but Breck for spring break this year!
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Ha! I’ve been getting emails from friends about not writing – that it was time to dust off the keyboard.
I’m just going to move to Colorado…
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Do!!!! You would love it.
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Beach or CO? Beach or CO?
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If California falls into the ocean, we’ll have beachfront property in Colorado!
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While your experience is common, not all of Orlando is like that. And obviously, the diaper changing pigs are not from here either. LOL
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Hey Sue,
You’re exactly the type of person I was hoping would respond. I’ve been to Orlando 8 times – and I always ask people where to go (taxi drivers, hotel folks, people in bars), and all the locals say “Go to the Beach”.
Where SHOULD I go in Orlando?
That’s for reading.
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It really depends on what you like. If you are into the bar scene, downtown is a good place to go. If you like nature, Wekiva Springs and Rock Springs are nice. Tell me what you like and I can give you some ideas.
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Hmmm. I like food, booze, culture, and nature.
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Culture can be found in the few museums that we have. Most of them are just north of downtown Orlando. The Science Center is pretty cool, although, you would probably run into a lot of kids there. LOL
Food and booze can be found downtown, as I mentioned before, as well as nature. There is also the zoo in Sanford, but it is pretty small.
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Well – there we go. Thanks so much, Sue. I’ll mark it down for the next visit – try to avoid all the kiddies. 🙂
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You could always go to the beach……. LOL
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haha!
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I’m with you, Mike. I hate Orlando too. I lived there for nine months once. (shudder). And that kid thing–didn’t you know if you’re a parent (and not all parents are like this), you get a pass no matter what? Especially if you’re female. Of course this observation is coming from a childless barren woman who really doesn’t have a right to judge.
I’d pick up some salve and noise-reducing headphones. Godspeed, my friend.
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I didn’t know that, Brigitte. Didn’t mention in my post, but I lived in Orlando for 3 months during a trade show – probably where the disdain started.
Ha! Parent-pass…while Orlando attracts good people, it also attracts the worst of the worst. As childless people, I think we can judge.
Headphones for next time – hope things are good with you.
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I know exactly how you feel. Well, except for the burnt penis thing. Um, but, yeah everything else, right there with ya. It’s good to be home after a trip like that. All is right with the world. After a shower, of course. Nice to see you back around bloglandia, Mike.
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hahaha! Yuup. Showering off Orlando. Thanks, feels good to be back. Thanks for reading, Honie
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If you value travel, do not have children. Travel quickly is reduced to intermediate trips along the Ohio Turnpike to visit in-laws or infrequent visits to a neighbood watering hole for wings. Europe, to me, sounds more like an isle at Home Depot than a travel destination. Plus, with support from “viewers like you”, Rick Steves shows me everywhere I’ll never go. -Zig
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Best advice I’ve ever gotten, Zig.
We should grab some wings some time, head over to Home Depot after, hang ourselves in Europe.
Columbus misses you.
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I’ll be Newark (one syallable) next Thursday/Friday. That’s just like Columbus, right?
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Yep! If Medina is Cleveland.
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Wowwww!!!! It has to have been horrible to have caused this outburst from you! Me, I can see but you are so chill. I have never been to Disneyworld but have been to Orlando and Winter Park is very pretty (for Florida, Florida and Texas are my worst states). Did you go to Celebration? The town that Disney built? Stepford creepy.
I do love Disneyland probably because my kids love it so much and the Peter Pan ride.
I loathe Cancun. And have spent one hideous day in the Mexico City airport.
Texas, Florida and Mexico are my worst places.
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I’m generally chilled out, but I have a line, and once the line is crossed, I turn into a massive asshole. Takes a lot to get there though, and places like Orlando/airport push me there.
Never been to Celebration – sounds terrible. I was in Cancun for a day – it was not my cup of tea, not after spending 7 days in paradise in Tulum.
Thanks, Maggie!
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Awesome, my friend. I’m sorry you were forced to part with a small part of your soul, as that was one of my favorite things about you. I’m sure this deficit will be reflected in the next picture you post of yourself — a wanton vacancy in your eyes. Assuming, of course, that you still have eyes and they have not been gauged out by flailing toddler limbs or your own desperate hand.
The ultimate lowest on my travel list was an unintentional stop in Fontana, California. Highlights included getting ripped off for a brand new transmission by the only mechanic in town, who I suspect also owned the drug-dealing, bullet-hole ridden motel across the street (no taxis) that me and my two parrots called home for four days. There’s a happy ending to this story — unbelievable, I know — but it’s too much for a comment box.
Great to read something new, see you on the flip side of hell. xx
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My gaze is a hundred miles away. Heartless, cold, dark – and I’m wearing an eyepatch from an tiny index finger to the retina…
Fontana, CA huh? Never heard of it – now I have to go research this hellish place.
Two Parrots? Really parrots, or metaphorically speaking?
Thanks, Laura – I’m going to try harder to post more than once every three months…in hell.
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Ah, hell is a hard place for functionality, so be kind to your inner writer, pat it on the back, swab its burned penis tip, and wait.
Fontana CA is not a good destination, or even a good place to look up on a map. While I usually appreciate smoking truck engines with all of my worldly possessions and vehicle in tow on a cross-country move as an opportunity for adventure, this one led straight to hell. And yes, live parrots. They were my companions until my life imploded (another hell) and I had to relocate them.
BTW loved the visuals in your post too, esp. that sign at the top :), so well-coordinated with your description of Orlando! Which sounds perfectly hideous!
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I looked up Fontana, CA – looks like a lovely place to visit. Ahem.
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Speaking of lovely places to visit, I saw on a friend’s FB post today that she went to the Desert Botanical Garden in Scottsdale, where there’s a Dale Chihuly installation through May… 18 I think. He’s a famous glass artists and apparently it’s really worth seeing. So, if you’ve done all your fancy Scottsdale shopping and need an art break…. http://www.dbg.org/events-exhibitions/chihuly
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Awesome – I’m familiar with his work. Had an installation at the Franklin Conservatory here in town – but this looks great.
haha – I don’t fancy shop. I’m hoodies, jeans, and art all the way. 🙂
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Yeah, the shopping part was a joke. I’m the same way, actually. Gives me hives (much to my daughter’s grief and disappointment). Have you seen the Bellagio ceiling in Vegas that Chihuly did? I like his work in museums and architecture setting, but might like it more as environmental. I heard about a show he did once all through the Venice canals… would’ve love to see that!
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🙂 I have not seen that exhibit – will look for some pics online though.
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I do want to go to Disneyworld someday, but I’ve never been to Florida. Florida weirds me out. Just looking at a map, it just looks like a state that’s perpetually flaccid.
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It’s a very weird place. Flaccid indeed – a jurassic floppy state.
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Nothing good ever happens in Orlando. I have to trek there 1-2 times a year to visit my husband’s older brother and his family and, every time that we go, something catastrophic happens. Food poisoning, sprained ankles, flat tires, forced trips to over-commercialized theme parks that make you feel dirty, run-ins with toddler feces, etc.
I once did a triathlon in Orlando. It opened with a swim in a lake where there was both (a) an alligator sighting and (b) a giardia outbreak. After that I got to bike through multiple ramshackle but gated communities and run on a “nature” trail that appeared to actual be an access road around an landfill.
I have vowed never to go back again, which means I need to build up an arsenal of excuses about why I cannot attend birthdays and holidays. Personally, I think “because it’s in Orlando” should suffice.
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Sounds like you have a ready-made anti-Orlando post, ready to go.
Giardia breakout? Good lord!
Pinot, we should make a negative tshirt line – start out with ‘…because it’s Orlando’ with a trash heap sunset. In?
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I rapidly read through this post, and I will respond in greater detail tomorrow. My lids are heavy with sleep. There is just too much jocularity going on here that responding will take time, and I’m quite simply relishing the lovely laughter it has brought me at this point.
Until tomorrow, I’m going to the place “where dreams come true”, the “happiest place on earth”…my brain when ti’s asleep.
HRH
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Why, thank you HRH.
Hope you got to finish it, and had a lovely nights sleep.
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Oh yes, but life has come up between that first night I read it til now. I promise to comment in earnest tomorrow. I’m off to more sleep. (I swear, I’m not always sleeping.)
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I tried to reply, but my comment isn’t worthy since it apparently won’t show up no matter how I try to post it. Do you moderate your comments? If so, that could be the reason, and I certainly hope it is because quite honestly, I think I’m going mad. (More so than my usual “madness”.)
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I don’t moderate comments – just looks like it was stuck in spam. It’s up now!
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Good night’s sleep? Not so much, but I’ll catch up. Someday.
First, Axl Rose trying to harmonize with a shrieking goat? Are you sure HE’s not the shrieking goat trying to just harmonize with himself? That sounds crazy enough to be Axl (now).
I do hope you don’t have a penis blister burn (that would not only look weird but hurt like hell…well, I can only imagine it would since I myself do not have the aforementioned member) from the scalding tea that little shit of a six year old caused you to spill.
Parents or not parents around, at this point, I would have taken the Mickey Mouse hat from his head and literally bit off the ears with as angry/crazy a face I could muster. And then quietly, in a sinister, Jack Nicholson kind of way, I would have said, “If you don’t stop kicking my seat and behave for the rest of this flight, I will bite off your ears the same way. And I will enjoy it.” Then for the kicker, I’d smile my creepiest, scariest, insane smile at him until he either started crying or behaving. At this point, though, I’ve screwed myself if he’s begun crying, so then I must rip off some fabric from the Mickey Mouse ears I’ve just ripped from its hat and stuff them into my ears to muffle the cries. Ha. Using ears to plug up my ears.
To the gum-smacking Mom, may she never cross my path, I would say, “Please ask your child to stop his continuing annoying-ass ways or I’ll stop him for you. And while I’m at it, please stop smack-fucking your gum. It’s not classy, and it’s annoying the hell out of everyone on this flight. Stop doing that and you might actually have time to do your job as a parent.”
At this point, one of two things might happen: she could get into an argument with me in which case we might both get kicked off the flight or I could switch seats with someone in the row behind them and kick the crap out of their seats for the duration of the flight. Then again, there’s a flaw in that as I don’t want to aerobically kill myself for mere vengeance. And the Air Marshall might end up cuffing my hands (zip typing), making me sit in a “special” seat for troublemakers for the rest of the flight, looking like some wannabe criminal but not quite one since they’ve used plastic tie instead of actual metal handcuffs.
Again, at this point, I do hope your burnt dick tip is at least savory enough to continue whatever it is one might do with it, either in that condition or not. Just market it as grilled, and that should do the trick quite nicely. It’s all in the P.R.
Oh, forgot to mention, the sun’s legal issues are far beyond that of anything a mouth-breathing parent could throw at it, so we’re good there. Their baby will just have to look like a beet. Hopefully you did not bestow the virtues of Aloe upon them because it would’ve healed nicely and quickly if they’d applied that to the baby’s burns.
And may I just say that it’s not just parents who are not paying attention. It’s…wait for this, it’s quite complicated a concept…EVERYONE ON THE PLANET who has any type of handheld device that is communicating something far more important than what is happening in the here and now.
Randy Quaid and Napoleon Dynamite? A love child? GOD SAVE THE QUEEN because she’s the only one I can think who may be able to turn that (quite ugly) love child into something of honor.
I won’t ever touch the magazines or the “In case of emergency” card tucked into the pouch on the seat in front me ever again. And I will never, EVER sit in a 30C seat again.
You could’ve had a boring, less funny blog post, but would you have wanted to experience anything less than funny writing (possibly minus the charred penis)?
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This is the most comprehensive comments I have ever received. Really – I’m not even sure how to respond (a first). For that, I thank you repeatedly, HRH.
Hope all is well.
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Your comical, if unfortunately true, post inspired me, so my sincerest apologies for my diatribe. I despise parents who don’t parent, children who don’t behave, and in general, having to ride in a huge metal tube filled with people I don’t know packed like canned sardines. I travel, and love to travel. But I prefer to do it in luxury, which does not include commercial airlines in my opinion. 😉
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Why thank you – no need to apologize for your “diatribe” :).
Unfortunately, I don’t get paid enough to write to travel in luxury yet – but soon. Maybe I’ll just sell out and write a James Patterson-esque series. hmmm
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He IS making money, and I have read one of his novels. Unfortunately, he is a business model, has his merits, and has minions assisting him who write and edit. However, it’s not a path I recommend.
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He is indeed a business model with countless minions. Boo him!
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Hi Mike, I wanted to share two similarities we share about this story: 1) I used to be afraid of flying until I too experienced a very crowded flight leaving Tampa to New Orleans with a mother who changed her baby’s diaper BEFORE take off. I have no idea what she did with the diaper but I assure you, I smelled it the entire time. I was cured of my fear of flying as I prayed the plane would plummet into the bay and spare me the 2.5 hour flight of hell. As soon as we reached drinking altitude, I ordered two Hienkens and chugged them. 2) I worked at Disney World and lived in Orlando when I was 17. I have reluctantly gone back 3 times in 33 plus years . I plan to never return in this lifetime. Additionally, I can proudly say, I have been kicked out for life, that’s right, LIFE!….that’s a story for another day.
Loved the blog,
Cat
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Hey Hadalzonecafe,
The diaper changing is absolutely horrific; keeping within smell-shot is even worse. I’m sorry to hear you had to deal with such a lack of couth.
How did you get kicked out of Disney!? I need to know!
Thanks for visiting,
-Mike
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It’s a really funny story but it’s sort of long to really get the humor of it, however, I’ll give you the short story: I had a really dumb boyfriend (this was before I figured out I was gay, which again is another funny story since I worked for Disney World, the gayest place EVER and I didn’t know I was gay then…the gods hate me!) back to the story, I was attempting to sneak dumb boyfriend into the park like I had done numerous times with others and he got caught. I turned myself in and I was stripped of my mickey ears and kicked out for life for “defrauding an amusement park.” It’s much funnier when I can tell you all the indignation I expressed while going through the interrogation!
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Oh shit – how scandalous of you! And all for a boy you didn’t know you didn’t like. 🙂
You should definitely write a blog post about that experience.
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But then the world would know I’m kicked out of Disney for Life…I wear that badge with honor and a sense of humility! LOL What would my parents think of me?
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They would be so proud!
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I just read your bio (sorry, I should have done this before randomly liking and following your blog but I’m a trusting kind of soul) and you are living in Cbus! I’m in Ohio for the time being, I temporarily lost my mind and decided to move to Cbus to be near family. I got to experience the worst winter in the history of planet Earth this year! I loved my brief time in Cbus before moving to Lima for a bit until I figure out where I should move next. Any ideas? We should meet up for a Whiskey Mule sometime and I’ll regale you of my Disney story in all its ironic glory.
Cat
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Yep – i’m in Cbus – and serious, this winter was soul-crushing. I’m actually thinking about moving because of how shitty it was.
Awesome – totally down for whiskey drinks. I have darker Disney stories to share, but it’s not blog-friendly…(teaser!)
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At least they didn’t then put the baby in the magazine pouch in front of you….because I can see how they might have thought that that was a good place for it….
My least favourite place travelled….I’m going to have to go with Marrakesh. The countryside is beautiful but the city is horrific: monkeys in cages, so much pollution you think you might lose a lung by the end of the day and all their formally beautiful buildings are now just rubble. Plus there is the inevitable sickness – although some celebrities may consider it the latest weight loss craze I would give it a miss if I were you! Sorry Marrakesh.
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Haha – magazine holder, baby holder, same thing, right?
Really? Marrakesh – well, I’m glad you told me because I was planning a trip to Southern Spain/Morocco. Crazy – Thanks for reading, eatsdrinksandthinks
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Oh I live in Spain, it’s beautiful I can recommend that!
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Well, well – I may have to pick your brain very soon if you don’t mind. Visit Portugal much?
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Feel free, I love having my brain picked 😳. Portugal is beautiful! I have only been to Lisbon and Viana do Costello. Both very cool.
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Awesome – planning on visiting Lisbon, make our way south along the coast. Possibly jump into Spain for a day or two. Kind of up in the air, really.
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oooo, If you are into hostels Equity Point in Lisbon is really nice!
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Nice! I checked out Equity Point – might keep the idea in my backpocket for Madrid.
Went with Lisbon Story Guesthouse – pretty sweet place. You ever heard of it?
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I live in Madrid! Let me know where you are looking at here and I’ll tell you if it’s a good bit of town!
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This sounds awful! I didn’t have a flight on that bad of a scale, but my trip to Burlington, VT was horrific on so many levels. I know I’ll never go back there!
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hey, mj – really? Burlington, VT? Seems like such an innocent and unassuming place. What happened?
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It was mostly stuff beyond Burlington’s control (like the awful weather for example among other things), but the Ben & Jerry’s and Magic Hat tours were definitely the highlights! Heading to Orlando soon and not doing the whole Disney routine, so I hope it turns out okay!
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Ah – gotcha. Can’t go wrong with Ice Cream and Beer, right?
Good luck in Orlando – you’ll have to let me know if you find some cool things to do down there.
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I managed to find a couple of cool places this weekend for pizza, coffee, and exploring. Although my flight coming home was delayed and I got stuck at the Orlando Airport…
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Excellent, mjcolbert!
Where exactly in Orlando did you find them?
Ugh – I feel for you.
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Trying to avoid a shameless plug, but I just wrote about some not too long ago. Winter Park is a nice area, Gatorland is pretty “interesting,” and downtown Orlando isn’t bad either
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Hahaha Orlando really is the pits.
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I can’t think of a better worst place. 🙂
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Orlando is a horrible place. The worst. The people are the worst total shlt. I want out of here so bad and it’s a damn trap. Fuk this city it’s the worst
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Thank you, Jenn. You said it perfectly – good luck escaping!
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orlando is the WORST city in the world– i mean the WORST. the people are the WORST. even my therapist says the people here suck..fuck orlando
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why is it escaping??? IT IS!! its the WORST city on the planet. Please help me- i can’t get out of here?? its like a black hole. The people are the worst- i say orlando is like a parallel universe or a hologram- it looks like it exists but it doesn’t- it’s the weirdest and worst place ever. Please help me..lol..I need a way to get out of here. I hate orlando..
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haha – Maybe Orlando is a holollelogram universe… You should definitely make that FB page, channel some of that Borelando hatred. ‘Orlando: The US’ Parking Lot’.
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I have been TRAPPED in orlando for 15 years. You have no clue. Yes TRAPPED. I have told people im moving for the past 10 years. There is something really wrong with the city of orlando and the people there. If you have a soul, you can’t exist in orlando- it’s full of soulless jerks and losers. The natives are the WORST. I’m the biggest advocate of I hate orlando. My goal in life is to one day make it big somewhere and tell the world just how bad orlando really is- that is if I get out of here. It’s impossible to make friends in orlando- the unfriendliest jerks in the world. If you’re pretty–good luck!! you can’t walk into a pizza place without getting harassed by the jerks that work there. If you have charisma, talent and stand out the orlando citizens will ruin you. They HATE people with talent passion..orlando is hell on earth..it’s the worst. Thank you for writing this blog. I plan on making a FB page about how much i hate orlando but im just scared it’ll attract bad attention. Orlando FL YOU SUCK BALLS!!
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