Before concluding the Oregon trip this week, I need to vent a little; when I get angry, it (the anger) comes off as curmudgeonly griping. After a few moments, it wears off, and I’m over it. But sometimes the dumbest, most trivial things stick with me, specifically horrible drivers, and/or customer service agents, sending me over the proverbial edge.Â
To preface, Â the following is the third time this year I’ve been screwed over by various concert ticketing agents. Three times. Three completely different parties. They hate me.
The saying goes ‘Third time’s a charm’, right? Sure, if by ‘charm’ they (whoever came up with the phrase, probably leprechauns, or William Shakespeare) mean eye-twitching, total enragement/borderline stroke-out due to costumer service incompetence, than yes, third time IS a merry frickin’ charm.
I’ve culled friend, and financial goofball, Nicolas Cage, to take you – beloved readers – through a pictorial dramatization of my anger induced breakdown last Friday, in which I tried to buy concert tickets to the David Byrne and St. Vincent show in Philadelphia.
Click pre-sale link from St. Vincent’s Twitter page.
Register new account with Crowd Surge.
Good to go.
I’m Happy. A Swell Day Indeed
Two tickets, Orchestra Section, very close to stage.
Yes!
Tickets in online ‘shopping cart’. Click Proceed.
Click.
Click to Purchase.
Double Yes!
Click.
Mustache Happy. Bristles and whistles
Error rejection. Not processed. Please try Again.
I try again.
Error Rejection. Not processed. Please try again.
I try AGAIN
Error Rejection. Please Change State to two letters, and resubmit.
OH (for Ohio)
I RE-SUB-MIT…
Error Rejection. Please try again.
Inner even-keel gets gobbled up by the pyroclastic explosion of Mt. Ike Turner.
I just want toupee for these tickets
I try, try again, through a grumbled string of profane neologisms
Error Rejection. Not processed. Try a different card.
I try a different credit card.
Same Error
I try the PayPal option.
Same.
Contact CrowdSurge.
Response from CrowdSurge customer service: ‘Your bank may have rejected this, because it’s coming through as a foreign transaction fee’.Â
My response: ‘I bought tickets from you on January 6th with the same card. It’s your system that is rejecting, not my bank’ (I call bank anyways)
Bank response: ‘This card was shut down because it was marked as stolen.’
What?!!! Why?!!!
Bank Response: Accounts Review Department closed it down due to multiple attempts by an unauthorized foreign vendor
Glad your security works, but when can I get a new card?
It will take a week, and $25 will be deducted from your account.
Sonofaretchedhorsefarmingauntf*cker
Email to Crowd Surge (can’t call them directly)
Crowd Surge Response: ‘We’re sorry about the unfortunate situation, but the tickets being held for you were given back to the venue. Pre-sale is now over. Sorry for the inconvenience.’
Demonic Possession
Oh Great! Thank you soooo much! It just cost me $25 to play a game of Blood Pressure Rocket Ship.
*****
I got tickets the next day; same cost, a couple of sections behind the original seats through Ticketmaster. It all ended well, yes; point is…well, I guess the point is I might have a problem with things not working when needed, and getting an apathetic, empty ‘we’re sorry’ in response to my troubles.
I worked as a customer service agent for a shitty company as my college survival job. When I get mad at costumer service, maybe I’m just projecting anger at my former self for wasting such a significant chunk of my career. Then again, this irreverent Nicolas Cage post wouldn’t exist…
Somewhere, deep in the US postal service exists a virgin bank card, soon to be deflowered by the swipe of a receptionist at the nearest anger management office – followed by the drive-thru liquor store. A bit dramatic, maybe, but you can commiserate, right? Please commiserate.  – Mike
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
Oh my, you did go through a lot! Loved this as usual with your stellar sense of humor. We recently nabbed some tix through Stub Hub….seems to have worked out okay, so far, but now I’m paranoid….. :).
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Thanks Brigitte! Never used Stub Hub – I’ve been screwed over by everyone else, so maybe I should make the move. 🙂
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This is insanely hilarious. I literally LOL’d. People stare. Weird. But this was awesome. Hope your next online purchase goes smoothly 😉
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Thanks, Kai! Glad you liked it, and don’t worry about the stares. Oh the stares…
I don’t think I will be buying concert tickets anytime soon. 🙂
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Always extremely entertaining as usual 🙂 Loved the pictures to example your anger, they are pretty dead on facially when you get angry hahaha (kidding….or am i?). Love it bro.
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Thanks, Dude, thought you might like it.
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jack-hole feckers. this story terrorized me. and therefore, i loved it. buy an ungodly amt of tequila with new credit card. it’s the only way to restore balance in the world.
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The dual power of incompetent customer service agents, and nick cage’s retrospective puts the universe off-kilter.
I will indeed. Bottom shelf, worm-killing tequila. By the shit-ton.
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Commencing commiseration:
How dare they send you on a roller coaster ride from plucky, happy-go-lucky Weatherman Cage all the way down through the filth and muck into a raging, John Travolta-possessed Face/Off Cage? That’s just wrong. You never send a man to Face/Off Cage. You just don’t do it.
Commiseration complete.
That said, if there is any silver lining to this, Face/Off Cage never strikes in the same place twice, so that’s one less thing you have to worry about.
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Hahahaha! Ohh Face Off – level; it’s torturous.
Is a sequel to Face Off possible? If not, I’m content fast forwarding to the part in the new Wicker Man where NC gets tortured by the crazy island cult.
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I’m really glad and also impressed that you managed to incorporate St. Vincent and Nicholas Cage into the same blog post. They’re both great.
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haha thanks, Carmentary. I’m glad you like my randomness 🙂
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Poor you! A $25 lesson in internet incompetence follies. That should be free! I’m glad you got tickets anyway. Despite the $25 and insanity “sur charges.” It better be worth it. I hope so.
PS I never noticed how Nick Cage’s veneers have evolved over the years…
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I hope so too!
hahah, yes, his teeth have evolved, along with the ebb and flow of his hairline.
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And his career.
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Hahahaha, oh I love the Nicolas Cage pictures!! Every single one describes your story perfectly. How I despise calling “customer service.”
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Thank you. The picture with the mustache is actually me…seriously.
Congrats on being Pressed on such a dear subject – looking forward to reading more of your stuff.
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Mt. Ike Turner?! oh man
hahahahaha
um, sorry ’bout that.
I commiserate.
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Thank you for catching that one. 🙂
Thought it might be too obscure.
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I’m old.
You’re welcome!
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I can so relate..It truly takes the patience of Job to deal with so many of these online places..
David Byrne? Dude, I am jealous…
loved the pics.. matched your post to a “T”!!!1
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They are quite the pain…
I sort of have a man/talent crush on David Byrne. Ok, an unhealthy man/talent crush.
Thanks!
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haha..
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