Mike: Thanks for joining me today, Mike. I know you’re a busy guy.
Mike: Huh? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear a thing over the sound of your awesome.
Mike: Are we blushing?
Mike: I think we are!
Mike: C’mon! Be serious for two seconds, and don’t count…
Mike: You’re such an asshole
Mike: Nice journalism.
Mike: Speaking of asshole-ism, why haven’t you written any posts in like three weeks?
Mike: Because it’s nice out.
Mike: It has literally rained everyday in July.
Mike: Because I died saving armfuls of children from a burning orphanage?
Mike: Was that a question?
Mike: No, I just lose control of inflection when I’m lying, and when I drink whiskey.
*Tinkling of ice cubes in tumbler. Long pause.
Mike: Are you drunk?
Mike: Are WE drunk?
Mike: It’s touché
Mike: No, I meant Tucci. Like Stanley Tucci from…
Unison: The Terminal!
Unison: *singing ‘Staaanley Tucci on the left hand side!’
Mike: Ha! Man you’re weird. No one will get that reference.
Mike: As are you, me. Sure they will.
Mike: What do you want to be when we grow up?
Mike: A fire truck.
Mike: You want 5-7 men dressed in fire gear riding inside you?
Mike: …Did I say fire truck? I meant Christopher Walken
Mike: But he already exists
Mike: There…has to BE…a new…WALken.
Mike: That was the worst Walken impression I’ve ever…
Mike: I know you’re not sleeping! No wonder Roam About Wife hates the fake sleeping thing so much! Annoying as shit. Back to the questions – What do you dream about?
Mike: Mostly snuggling with grizzly bears and Charlize Theron.
Mike: What would you say to her if you met her?
Mike: I would ask her where she got the grizzly bears.
Mike: What’s the meaning of life?
Mike: We’re mammals – it’s to reproduce and practice reproduction as many times as humanly possible in as many different positions as anatomically plausible.
Mike: Then, why don’t we have kids?
Mike: We can’t. We’re not asexual.
Mike: You know what I mean!
Mike: Because we pull out?
Mike: Dude! Can you be serious for 2 minutes?
Mike: Your readers want to know what’s going on with you.
Mike: Ok, I respect them, not you though; you’re a dick.
*fighting sounds, broken glass.
5 Minutes later…
Mike, panting: Favorite Band?
Mike, also panting: Talking Heads. I think you broke my spleen.
Mike: Favorite TV Show?
Mike: Arrested Development, Archer, and Adventure Time.
Mike: Adventure Time? Are you 7?
Mike: Wanna split this Capri Sun and some Fun Dip?
Mike: Favorite movie?
Mike: What have you been up to? Be serious.
Mike: I bought a house in April – been working on that. There’s this new concept called ‘mowing the lawn’ I’ve discovered. It’s the weirdest thing —you cut your lawn’s hair with a gas-powered machine.
I’ve also fallen in deep like with my job, and the slick challenges have put me to task. Some late hours, but it’s been worth it.
What else – been going to concerts – like Man Man (twice), Yeasayer, some others. Playing kickball, attending weddings, running 3-4 times a week to keep sane/detoxify, and, you know, just having a jolly good summer time.
Mike: Any big travel news?
Mike: I’m going to Reykjavík in November to see Kraftwerk, and the other great bands at Iceland Airwaves. And, of course to explore the shit out of Iceland with my best friend, Paul.
Mike: Are you stoked?
Mike: You have no idea.
Mike: I kind of do.