A lot of new followers this week – welcome everyone – good to have you along for the insanity.
Had a shitty time in London five years ago (great intro, Mike, real captivating stuff) – no fault of the city, London’s a fanciful place with tremendous people and culture; I was involved with someone (no longer) who was having an existential breakdown and became a vortex of negativity.
Rather than rehashing faded, vapid memories and dampening my post/your day (the brooding mood of the b&w pics really casts sunshine and puppy glitter on this post parade), I decided to pick random quotes from a gaggle of my favorite British Movies/TV Shows as the narrative.
Weird concept/juxtaposition, I agree – but I dew ‘ope you wihw enjowy (last line spoken as Michael Caine).
Monty Python ‘Holy Grail’
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride’s father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn’t mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn’t mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear… is he all right?
‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’ [Okay, not a British film, but it’s with Tracey Ulllman, and she’s totally Fish ‘n’ Chip Brit]
John: ‘ Such an unusual name, Latrine. How did you come by it? ‘
Latrine: ‘ We changed it in the ninth century.’
John: ‘ You mean you changed it to Latrine? ‘
Latrine: ‘ Yeah, used to be Shithouse.’
‘Shaun of the Dead’
Ed: Any zombies out there?
Shaun: Don’t say that!
Shaun: The zed-word. Don’t say it!
Ed: Why not?
Shaun: Because it’s ridiculous!
Ed: All right… are there any out there, though?
[looking out of the letter-box, he sees an empty street]
Shaun: I can’t see any. Maybe it’s not as bad as all that.
[he turns his head and sees a pack of zombies]
Shaun: Oh, no, there they are
‘The Pink Panther Strikes Again’ (Peter Sellers – same situ as Men in Tights)
Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk: No.
Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.
[Dog barks and bites Clouseau in the hand]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.
Steve Coogan: [Steve is hanging upside down in the model womb] How about filming the other way around, the right way up, and then just flip the image?
Leo: Well, maybe, but I’d have to have a word with Mark about that. I mean, I think he wanted the realism.
Steve Coogan: He wants realism?
Steve Coogan: Yeah, I’m a grown man, talking to the camera, in a fucking womb!
‘Extras’ (Ricky Gervais)
Patrick Stewart: I will “Make It So.”
[blank look from Andy]
Patrick Stewart: You’ve seen “Star Trek: The Next Generation?”
Andy Millman: I haven’t, no.
Patrick Stewart: Why? Your wife won’t let you have it on?
Andy Millman: I’m not married.
Patrick Stewart: Oh, your girlfriend then?
Andy Millman: I haven’t got a girlfriend either. I live alone.
Patrick Stewart: You’re not married, you haven’t got a girlfriend… and you’ve never watched “Star Trek?”
Andy Millman: No.
Patrick Stewart: Good Lord…
The Mighty Boosh
Howard Moon: Just imagine the headlines ‘Howard Moon, Colon, Explorer’. Got a ring to that don’t it?
Vince Noir: Colon Explorer?
Howard Moon: You know what I saying.
Vince Noir: I think that’s got the wrong ring to it.
‘An American Werewolf in London’
David: I’m a werewolf.
Alex: Are you alright?
David: I don’t know, I’ll let you know the next full moon.
‘Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’
Eddie: They’re armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster… what do you think they’re gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!
[Nicholas is giving a talk to a group of school children]
Nicholas Angel: Are there any questions?
[Danny is sitting at the back of a group]
Danny Butterman: Is it true that there’s a point on a man’s head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?
Monty Python’s Flying Circus (excerpt from ‘Parrot Sketch’)
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.
Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and
Mr. Praline: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!
Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!
Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e
rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the
bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
All quotes copied and pasted from imdb.com
All pics taken with my trusty Pentax Super ME, aka Mrs. Jones, with T-Max 400 AND 3200 film(s) – hence, the graininess in some pics.
20 comments on “London – Narrated with British Comedies”
SOOO FUNNY! Thanks for the laughs! =D
British humor is the best…glad you liked it.
Writing in Michael Caines accent…BRILLIANT!
Fank ewe, Wob
(thank you, Rob)
This is AWESOME!!
Stanley Goodspeed: You enjoying this?
John Mason: Well, it’s certainly more enjoyable than my average day… reading philosophy, avoiding gang rape in the washrooms… though, it’s less of a problem these days. Maybe I’m losing my sex appeal.
It’s not British humor, but it’s Sean Connery and your favorite actor playing off the genious of Nick Cage!
Yush! Shank you, and welcome to Tha Roack!
Thanks, Ziggy – this comment was mildly positive (minus the gang rape) – you must be slipping in your old age.
Wow.. I was going to read this before work but was running late.. glad I saved this for tonight..freaking hilarious and the pics are awesome!!!
Thanks, free penny. You’re the best!
wonderful photos… very apt, funny dialogues, haha. thanks! 🙂
This is perfect. Don’t get me wrong, I adore London and would live there if I could figure out a way. But failing that, describing it using Brit TV and movie quotes is perfection. I’m assuming that you’ve seen the British version of the TV show ‘Coupling’? Because if you haven’t, you need to. RIGHT. NOW.
Aww thanks, Kathy V. I’ve never watched it before, which is why I have it queued up on youtube. Funny stuff, super-fast-wit. Love it.
Not suitable for work, though 😉
Loved the photos Mike. Have you had a chance to revisit the city since? We promise not to overwhelm you with any more existential breakdowns 😉
Thanks, might war.
Haven’t been back…yet. Definitely on the travel schedule within the next couple of years. Haha! my emotional fortitude is sound – shouldn’t have any mental glitches.
You live in London I presume?
Yes I do. And I’d be happy to act as a tour guide if you’re ever this way again. I like to get visitors out of Central London and into the surrounding areas to get a full taste of what the city is really like – you miss a lot of the ambience just sticking to the well trodden paths 🙂
Sounds amazing! Thanks for the offer.
I definitely kept to the path most traveled last trip, so having an insider would be perfect.
I might be over late summer ’13 – will let you know.