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Invisibility Vs. Flight: Heroics or Villainous Intent?

Flying over Invisibility, a simple choice, right?

Zoom around the world, have lunch in Bali, back in the States, pick up kim kardashian, dump her in the Amazon under the watch of some cannibalistic tribe partial to massive cabooses, leave her, back in the States before din, throw ‘You’re Welcome, Yeezy’ postcard to Kanye in the mail.

But what if flight capabilities had a 35 mph limitation?

Uh, this is lame.

Just my luck – being able to fly but with a top speed of 35 mph. Sure, I’m still flying, but scooters are faster. Morbidly obese people at the grocery store, power-sliding around the ‘Meat’ section on electric jockies, go faster.


Falcons would scoff, and the government would catch me in a net and biopsy my carcass for life (presupposing governments use nets to catch people, or superheroes). Suck.

Invisibility then.

Awesome! I’m invisible – I can totally mess with people, tap them on the shoulder, trip them, depants them, stalk them, and then rob the shit out of them…

Huh.That escalated quickly.

Want a good look at what your secret crush has going on under all those clothes? Invisibility.

Want to see how much how much old man Jenkins has stowed away in his bank vault? [Just to clarify, not a euphemism] Invisibility.

Invisibility = robbing, or worse. Unless you’re Froto Baggins, there’s no way you can judge, but I couldn’t be invisible.  I couldn’t handle the pure mischievous allurement of an anarchistic existence, moral or otherwise. Even if dabbling in secret crime fighting, or shadowy covert information swapping for betterment of the world, I would still steal trophies from the duped like mustaches, gold bullions, puppies, or Ferraris.

And what if I were invisible AND naked?  This is the consensus in movies – you don’t get clothes. Chevy Chase’s character had this problem in ‘Memoirs of the Invisible Man’. He was invisible, yet, still visible through what he was wearing.

Jesus went to Princeton.

Another negative is control. What if your invisibility isn’t permanent and comes and goes like a rolling blackout?

Nothing like pleasuring yourself next to Jennifer Connelly when your invisibility runs out.

“Sorry, Ma’am. Loved you in Labyrinth….mind if I finish?”

The only remaining question for invisibility; ‘How long before I do something evil?’

Conversely, with flight; ‘How long before I do something good?’

Why is that? (As Freudian scholars rush to my comment section with something about potty training).

With flight, there’s positive cultural/personal scenarios — deeply discounted environmentally friendly travel, no traffic, saving kittens, high-fiving eagles, and when not inevitably crime fighting, making a couple bucks on the side as an Air Taxi.

Can’t say the same for invisibility. I have an inkling that even the most moral, most pious person would become drunk with power, and do something ‘bad’ after some time. Not trying to be cynical towards (wo)mankind, just honest.

With that, I’ve made my decision; thank you for letting me share my breakfast time inner-argument. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to fly to work. – Mike


What do you pick – flight or invisibility?

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nathaniel Hahn #

    I would say flight as well…the thought of High Fiving an eagle is about as sweet as it gets. And while being a professional creeper if invisible sounds entertaining….it would go too unnoticed for my taste…flying is so much better!

    November 13, 2012
    • Haha, I totally had you pegged as Invisibility Mr. Hahn. What if you were invisible and flying, like the Predator….hmmm.

      November 13, 2012
  2. Jesus went to Princeton? Ha! I would say invisible, but only because I want to break into houses and rearrange furniture.

    November 13, 2012
    • I would question your motives, but know your are not joking, and would truly break into people’s houses just to rearrange things – like a continuous reveal on HG TV

      November 13, 2012
  3. Jason #

    Invisibility is what I would choose… I can sneak on to any airplane if I want to go somewhere…. Could also set up in Steelers locker room to steal game plan… So we can finally win.

    November 13, 2012
    • You could sneak on a plane, but you would be naked, and cold.
      Hmmm, now you’re talking sense – if it helps the Browns go to a superbowl, I may have to rethinking everything.

      November 13, 2012
      • If you the flight is full, does that mean you have to sit on someone’s lap… naked?

        November 15, 2012
      • Yep! Invisibility may cause pregnancy.

        November 15, 2012
  4. workspousestory #

    Oooh…. well there is no denying the bad girl streak in me. Oh my GAWD the things I could do… I’m excited even planning that. Hmmm.

    But I could become visible at will, right? Can’t imagine certain activities would be half as pleasurable if I wasn’t seen…

    November 13, 2012
    • Sounds devious, and scandalous!

      Yes, you have control over invisibility – so you’re good to go.
      Curious, what would steal first? 🙂

      November 13, 2012
      • workspousestory #

        What would *I* steal first? A pair of Louboutins, They’re called Sex 120. If you search for them, you’ll know what I mean (oh, the nude version, not black)

        November 13, 2012
      • I honestly thought Louboutins were Italian cars, and had befuddled by a nude colored car.
        You learn something new everyday! Definitely a good start in your newfound life of thievery. 🙂

        November 13, 2012
  5. I was gonna go for flying but read workspousestory’s argument for being invisible and decided I would wanna be invisible to steal shoes and clothes too, and appear at places out of nowhere, get inside a movie theater without paying, get myself out of paying a ticket, etc. Oh, the money I would save!!!!

    November 13, 2012
    • hahaha! I’m slightly swayed, I admit, and perhaps overlooked the positives in burgling. But, if you fly, you’re probably getting everything comped.

      November 13, 2012
  6. My first question was about the speed of flight, so glad you covered it. Second question, can I turn OFF my invisibility… otherwise, how lonely an existence. Either way, I suppose I choose flying. *fingers crossed that i’m fast!*

    November 15, 2012
    • Just the thought of a rolling blackout scenario has me saying ‘no way’ to Invisibility.
      But yes, you should be able to control it.

      Good choice, and same here – fingers crossed for super fast!

      November 15, 2012
  7. andthisiswhyiwilldiealonesurroundedbycats #

    I think I would go for flight. Would never need to justify wearing a cape…would save a fortune in travel. I imagine it’d be pretty speedy so you’d save a lot of time wasted waiting in traffic/train delays etc. Plus, I think once the initial novelty of invisibility wears off…I think it would not be long before most people would turn into weirdo perverts.

    January 31, 2013
    • Absolutely! I’m with you 100%. Cape-wearing, expeditious flight plan.

      I know! Weirdo perv. is inevitable.

      Thanks, Andthis

      February 1, 2013

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