Yeti opens a crusted eye to a den bathed in overcast winter light. He is sore from shoveling the path to his cave, and his shoulders scream as he rubs his scruff.
His gut protrudes; ebbing and flowing with labored breath.
What kind of abominable holiday bender…?
Days upon days of carnivorous treats – swine, squirrel, rabbit, puppet, cow – did he really eat a puppet?
Perhaps it was some kid’s teddy bear. Maybe he accidentally ate someone’s child…
He coughs up a hunk of felt.
Definitely puppet.
Oh how the festive holiday wine flowed…
The Yeti grumbles and mumbles, stretching his hairy legs; his back cracks, his liver groans – he plops down from his nest.
In the words of Roger Murtaugh from Lethal Weapon – quite possibly the greatest 80’s action series; “Riggs, I’m getting too old for this shit!”
Thief – the Yeti’s Puma friend/cohabiter – fearful of the sight of the rising ‘Squatch, ends his ball-less groin licking to flee the room.
Shuffle, shuffle, scuffle and shower.
Yeti why you wake at such a late hour?
“Life is taxing”
“I’ve been relaxing.”
“Who the fuck are you – Matt Lauer?”
He washes his fur.
He washes his parts.
Tries not to pass out
from hot shower farts.
A shit
A shave
Time to behave
Pack up the ornaments –
Except for this one – it’s staying up.
the yule log
Is today the day he dusts off the blog?
Freshly cleansed, the Yeti reemerges – plugs back into reality – checks his emails; checks his facebook, and finally, WordPress.
Lots of new followers, not much traffic, tons of spam from Indonesia; Yeti makes a mental note to go door to door upon his next visit to Sumatra.
Roam About blog is dead.
He curses the more ambitious holiday bloggos in ancient Yetitian:
“Unnnh Pffffffft Aarrrrrgh Snarrrrrrrr!”
Translation: Bastards!
The Mayans were wrong; it’s time to go on.
And start writing again.
Happy ’13, My Dear Readers!
And a special Happy 4345 to my Korean Followers!
I’m back – miss me?
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
I want a ski mask like that! I will need it today… shivers while thinking about what she is about to do…..
Happy 2013! May the year be full of stuffed puppets and shaved squirrel. What?
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Skiing? Snowboarding? Yeti search?
Same to you! As grandma used to say – May your squirrels be shorn.
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Nope. Not even close. 🙂
Your grandma is a smart lady.
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happy 2013, uncle yeti! can’t wait to read more.
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You were right, that does sound pervy.
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Okay, this is very strange my son. Happy “13 to all. Isn’t that the ski mask I bought you and your sister haha
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Good. That’s what I’m going for in ’13. 🙂
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Your imagery is vivid for sure. I feel as if i was there with your flatmate when the yeti awakened – and I am not sure I wanted to be :).
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Hahaha – thanks, Sara – and no, you didn’t want to be within a square mile of the Yeti awakening.
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Very original style, thanks for the laughs!
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Well, thanks for reading!
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Reblogged this on albertgenau.
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Who ARE you?
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I am Yeti
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