Chinese Proverb: Monkey that throws poo has poo hand.
Act 1, Part 1: Phishing.
In which our hero, Mike, excitedly receives an advertising query for Roam About.
Act 1, Part 2: Swords Drawn.
Forever a cynic, Mike uses sarcasm to smoke out the evil spammers.
Act 2, Part 1: The Incorrigible.
Ne’er the giver-upper, Media Discovery auto-sends an unconvincing response to our hero, piercing his ego through ignorance.
Act 2, Part 2: To the Beach, with Kitties. Where our hero slays the evil spammers with a dragoon of sardonic wit.
Epilogue: Upon receiving the last email, the spammer called the phone number provided, which is actually the direct line to the Westboro Baptist Church. After talking with Fred Phelps for 5 minutes, the evil spammer had a revelation, understanding how annoying his spamming-ways were, vowing to stop and follow his dream of owning a floral shop/winery combo called ‘ValenVines’.
Our hero Mike went on the have a successful career in reverse spamming (the hypocrisy of posting the direct line to WBC is not beyond him). Unable to drive manual cars left-handed, he never made it on ‘Top Gear’, nor did the Cleveland Browns ever win a SuperBowl…in his lifetime.
Mike retired from writing at the age of 32, and perished in a freak gardening accident the following year. He is survived by his beloved Co-habitant,
Charlize Theron, Marti, and his cat, Thief.
“Assess My Blog” was not a euphemism.