I write from my couch in Columbus, having just finished a five-mile run, wondering why I still have a pooch belly and sudden narcoleptic tendencies.
For the answer, I turn to the last four days in Cleveland with the Roam About Family. The amount of various meats – Ron Swanson approved – with stuffing, potatoes, kielbasa more meats, turkey meats, meaty meats consumed, and my guts shake with guilty approval – providing natural methane boosts for running.
At one point this weekend, I passed out due to a stealthily served Carb-Bomb, which rendered me immobile for two hours, stomach squashing diaphragm into lungs – oxygen deprivation…fighting slee….zzzzzz.
I woke to the tumultuous sounds of Sade blasting from my parents’ speakers. Groggily thinking; “I’m in hell!” I prepared for a ‘Smooth Operator’ eternity, but got distracted mid-hell-panic by this revelation: the Operator, in “Smooth Operator” is not someone who works for a telephone company. Huh.
Anyways, I’ve locked down travel for the rest of 2012, so weekends like the last help get me through the drought – spending time with the fam and just relaxing, celebrating my existence, I reflected upon what I’m thankful for:
Yams and Bruces (Wayne, Campbell, Willis, Etc)
Ugly, Second Grade Earth Science Teacher Sweaters
We want to teach your children!
My wonderfully crazy family and our recreations of the Battle of Bastogne
Roam About Mom’s Cooking
Killbassa Sassage!
Shooting WWII Mosin-Nagant Sniper Rifles
Ready, Aim, Fireski!
My Badass Girlfriend, Marti
Urban Meyer – Congrats on a 12-0 season, Coach!
Ka-Boooosh
And finally, the Cleveland Browns’ decennial beating of the Steelers. -Mike
Source (mememaker.net)
ROAM ABOUT MIKE 
It was a great weekend! Too bad Cavs lost to South Beach sell outs… Would have been complete. Sorry we never met up- if I would have known I could tempt you w kielbasa & other tubed meats…..
LikeLike
I’m always tempted by tubed meats….always.
LikeLike
Hahah…I want some Bruce Wayne Yams! Great post! you can teach my child anytime!
LikeLike
Thanks. I may teach her the ‘Die Hard’ way. Is that cool?
LikeLike
Love! How’d you get ahold of my sweaters???
LikeLike
Did you by chance donate them to the Volunteers of America in Columbus? 🙂
LikeLike
mmmmm great weekend indeed. How could you have forgotten the god awful pain from aftermath of nonstop Fruit Ninja?! It hurt to even laugh on Monday.
LikeLike
I’m still getting over it – the memory of pain is still with me.
LikeLike
Ron Swanson is my favorite. I ran today for 10 minutes…figured I’d better ease into the most loathesome form of exercise a girl could self-impose. Tomorrow I may go for 15. As Ron Swanson says ‘Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing.’
Sade in hell made me laugh audibly enough that the cat looked up, annoyed.
LikeLike
Ron Swanson makes me laugh every time he’s on screen. I want to be him.
WHOOOOAAAAA! You? Running? Have you faced thyne enemy?
Here’s my tips for running – never stretch, never eat before running, and never poop in people’s yard. Basically, these rules can be applied to anything in life.
Hahaha! Thanks, Alisa!
LikeLike
I know, right? Desperation is an ugly thing. It’s cheaper than pilates. I just pretend Sade is chasing me with Kenny G at her side and a whole world of motivation opens up. I like to carb up Michael Scott style with a big plate of fettuccine alfredo before my 10 minute runs.
LikeLike
Ugh, the image (and sound) of Sade and Kenny G chasing you…the temptation to kick faces would be too great.
Carb Up! That’s what she said.
LikeLike
I know I liked this post this a.m. but I think I forgot to comment on how much I love the sweaters. Hold onto them because future children may need them for Worst Holiday Sweater at school day. I have a Christmas sweater that was voted the Best Worst Sweater at Lake Oswego High School last year!
ANNNNDDDD…..
“providing natural methane boosts for running” You are a word crafter, you paint beautiful imagery with your words.
LikeLike
Oh my gosh that’s amazing. What did this sweater look like? Was it bedazzled?
Thank you! I cover fart jokes with bullshit.
LikeLike
love love love the opening line – got me hooked. lovely post
LikeLike
Thank you very much, sonicsiesta!
LikeLike
I stole your photo of the canned yams. Never in my life have I seen such a thing.
LikeLike
Good – spread the word of Bruce’s Yams!
LikeLike
She is baddass alright. You better not forget her birthday.
I didn’t see any pooch in that fab sweater you were sporting. I hope you took home a doggy bag. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh I value my life too much to forget her b-day.
The pooch was hidden behind the ‘acorn quadrant’ of the sweater – no doggy bag, we ate everything.
I should mention I joined a gym this week.
LikeLike
I am sure that it was alarming to have a total of 5% body fat after Thanksgiving. It is good that you are taking care of your giant belly before you can’t sit behind a steering wheel. 🙂
LikeLike
I’ve been wallowing in my sweatpants since T-day, and could barely fit behind my Civic’s steering wheel. Oh, the humiliation!
LikeLike
Looks like a fun time! Love the posse photo! Great post!
LikeLike
Thanks, Red. We were on our way to meet the Clantons.
LikeLike
Ooh! I love kielbasas AND rifles so this is an AWESOME post for me 🙂 I also highly enjoy your beautiful sweaters. Glad to have found you through Le Clown! 🙂
LikeLike
And I love Batman – I think we just became new best friends!
There were so many acorns on the sweater, so many.
Awesome, thanks so much for the follow – looking forward to checking out some of your Batman posts.
LikeLike
YES NEW BEST FRIENDS! Can we get matching friendship bracelets?
LikeLike
But of course!
LikeLike
Oh for the love of all holy, please burn the sweater on New Years.. (I spit out my water I was laughing so hard)..
LikeLike
Like a fish, I’ve already released the sweater back into the water by donating it to goodwill. SOMEONE will find a happy home for it.
LikeLike
Bless you child.. You have done well 🙂
LikeLike